Wednesday, April 11, 2012
here we go again...
here we are, back in Michigan again and memories from last trip come flooding back. I found out today that I will have a blood draw and ultrasound tomorrow. I haven't been at the clinic since before I found out we lost our baby last time. It's harder than I thought it would be...to go through this again knowing the exact same thing could happen. I have feelings of dread thinking about all the appointments, the needles coming in the mail again tomorrow. I don't know if I can handle this again. How can I have enough hope to do this again but not so much as to be completely devastated and unrealistic about the possibility. I've got to remember the other reason why we're doing this.
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Oh Stephanie - I hope and pray for the best for you. I did not know that your grief had become so overwhelming ... I have gone through (years of) depression myself, so I know it's hard to keep making that pilgrim's progress... but you will persevere, you will keep running the good race, I know it. I see it through your writings. And I know that you will be refined through these trials. And most of all, I wanted to tell you that God knows your loss, and he is grieving with you and over you - just the same way Jesus grieved on earth and the same way the Father grieved over his Son. Much more than us mere humans can do.
ReplyDeleteBut joy comes in the morning... and I believe that there will be joy for you. I don't know what that will look like, and I don't know when it will come, but God will bring that to you. He will give you strength to face each day, no matter what it brings. Especially as you rely on him, trust him, and make the choice to keep loving him, even more than what you have lost...after all, when we persevere or run the race, we must remember the object of our faith and the joy that lies ahead.. so keep your eyes on him, as you have done throughout this blog, and through your grief. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Clara