What is "normal" anyway?

This week Wednesday I found out that I was "abnormal". Saturday I found out I was "normal". I want to know who decides this? Where is the baseline standard for anything? Doesn't God make every single individual unique since the time they are conceived (that includes our embryos waiting for us somewhere!), so how can anyone say something is normal or not so.

Wednesday our social worker called to tell me that the personality test (a polite name for a psychology test) we took last week revealed that my scores had some "outliers". My immediate thought was who decides the standard curve? Now, added homestudy step: a letter from a psychologist giving me the "OK" for adoption. UGH! Hassle, and frustration. Thursday was full of "Why me, God? What other woman in the world has to go through counseling to prove they are able to be a mother?!" With more thought, time, and an amazing group of girls in my small group, I processed a lot of other nasty thoughts and came to the conclusion (at least logically in my head) that everyone is a little messed up in the head, needs counseling and that this could be the best thing for me. All I have to say, is that after what we are going through, God must really want John and I to be some kind of super great parents (or at least on paper we'll have the credentials to be these kind of parents!) So...that process has begun. Add another check box to our list.

Saturday was my OBGYN appointment. UGH! Never fun. Mom went with me. That helped. Biggest difficulty I had was talking to the doctor.

"We're adopting embryos, have you heard of that?"

"Yes. It is illegal in China" (Chinese doctor)

"I know. We're doing it in America, and I just need this paper signed that says there are no contraindications to pregnancy."

"Um. But we can do something more simple, artificial insemination, ICIS, IVF...."

"Thank you, we've considered those options, we are doing embryo adoption."

"Well, you know it is important to choose the right hair color, eyes, etc."

"Yes," pacifying him now, "Do you think you can sign this paper?"

"OK, yes, shouldn't be a problem," getting the point now!

Obviously, we are NOT NORMAL and he has made that clear at this point.

That was the hardest part of the whole appointment. Other than that, I'm NORMAL! OK, well that's good. Praise God for that blessing actually, if there were any problems the whole thing would probably be called off right now. Paper is signed, they are emailing results so that I can email them to our U.S. clinic. NOW, to find a clinic that will accept me as a patient for FET without ever meeting me until right before....tricky and ABNORMAL.

Why does it still surprise me? I've spent most of my life trying to figure out how to tell people why I'm abnormal. It's all about comparisons in the end. I've also spent most of my life comparing. Why does it matter? Why do I try so hard to be like others or "better" than others? I always end up feeling like I've gotten the short stick.

Lord, remind me everyday that THEIR story is NOT my story!