Still Waiting...

Why is waiting so hard for me?! I need to stop getting on facebook. Seriously, that thing is dangerous and depressing to me. Every time I get on there is another friend from HS or MSU with a new baby or news of being pregnant. I'm happy for these friends. Every single little baby is a chance to rejoice! I am happy to have two little ones in my community here that I can hold, baby sit, cuddle. And I am so thankful for that gift. But it's still hard. I'm almost 29. I've been ready for three years now. God, is this all an attempt to grow my patience? Isn't there an easier way? It's so hard for me to focus on anything else but this adoption and longing for a baby. How can I be in the here and now, teaching grammar and vocabulary when all I want to do is be at home? I know I idealize it. I know it is hard work. I know that I'm probably not ready to be a mom yet. But why does my heart long for it? How do interpret this wait and this process? Is the answer that I'm not ready. Does God think we'll be bad parents or we need more practice or something. It can't be that, right because there are plenty of people in the world who are bad parents and God allows it. UGH. This is one of those no answer questions. God just does what he does and I don't understand it now.